I Once Had A Dream: Part 1; Welcome to the Leaf Village

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    rocknrolljunkie989
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    I Once Had A Dream: Part 1; Welcome to the Leaf Village

    Post by rocknrolljunkie989 on Tue Oct 09 2007, 18:55

    Name: Sayami Natakishi

    Nickname: Saya

    Age: 12

    Village: Formerly Cloud, Then Leaf

    Hair Color: Blonde

    Eye Color: Black

    Specialty: Stats are pretty equal, but ninjutsu is the highest

    Kekke Genkai: None

    Team: Squad 7; Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Kakashi Hatake

    New Outfit: long sleeve fishnet undershirt, black sleeve less shirt, black knee-length skirt that's cut on the sides, black shorts, blue ninja shoes

    Headband: You wear your headband on your waist

    Point Of View: Second Person: "You didn't care about the broken glass"





    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    ~Part 1~



    You walked forward, not really seeing where you were going. You looked up to see the gates of another Hidden Village. You entered to see people bustling about. You decided to see where that village's Kage was.

    Once reaching the Kage's office, you knocked. There was no answer, so you knocked again. This time you heard a distant voice, so you decided to enter anyway. You followed the voices, and eventually came across a room where a man in a white and red robe sat. Sitting in the middle of the room was a blonde boy, about your age, wearing an orange jacket. You lightly knocked; all eyes were turned on you.

    Sayami: H-hi. I'm new to this village.

    Kage: Ahh, you must be Sayami Natakishi. I am the Hokage of the Village Hidden In The Leaves.

    Boy: I'm Naruto Uzumaki! Believe it!

    Sayami: You can call me Saya for short.

    Hokage: Naruto, don't you have training today?

    Naruto: Uhh, yeah I do

    Hokage: Why don't you take Saya with you? She'll be on your team from now on.

    Naruto: Alright.



    ~That Night~

    You heard the soft patter of the rain on your window. It was usually enough to lull you to sleep, but tonight was different. You had too much on your mind. You were so glad that you had a home, but you were unhappy that you left your friends and family in the Cloud Village. You pulled off your blanket. It was a cool night, but you were warm. You put your feet on the cold wood floor and stood up. You glanced at the clock. 2:15. You fell back on your bed and stared at the ceiling of your apartment. Sighing, you stood back up realizing sleep wasn't coming anytime soon. You turned on your light, shading your eyes from the blinding light. One your eyes adjusted to it you opened your cupboards to search for food. Nothing. Next, you searched your fridge. Yet again, nothing. You forgot you hadn't gone shopping yet. You grabbed some money and left the apartment building. It was still pouring. You stared at your feet as to not get the rain in your eyes. Your mind went off in its own direction as your body wandered aimlessly through the streets of Konahagakure. You finally came back to reality to find yourself on the wet streets with someone apologizing to you and a dog barking. You looked up to see a hand. You took it and stood up.

    ???: My name is Kiba. This is my dog, Akamaru. You must be new here.

    You: Yeah, I'm new. My name is Sayami Natakishi, but you can call me Saya.

    Kiba: Well Saya, what are you doin' out here at a time like this in weather like this?

    You: I was hungry and I don't have any food. Well, what are you doing out here?

    Kiba: I was just walking.

    You: Oh, okay.

    ???: Hey, guys, try to keep it down. Some people are trying to SLEEP!

    Kiba: Hey, calm down Shikamaru. I'm just makin' sure Saya gets to the store okay. Anyway, don't you sleep enough during the day?

    Shikamaru: Well ya know what? Ahh, never mind, it's all a drag.

    Kiba turned and looked back at you.

    Kiba: Well, I'll show you the where the store is. Come on.

    You followed Kiba only to find the store closed.

    You: NOOOOO!!!!!

    Kiba gave you a funny look and Akamaru jumped on your head. You started laughing and pulled Akamaru off your head.

    You: OUCH!!

    Akamaru had gotten a hold of your hair with his claws. You started untangling your hair and Kiba helped untie the knots that seemed impossible to get out. Finally, you were free of Akamaru's grasp.

    Kiba: Well, in the morning, I can take you back here if you cant find it.

    You: Thanks Kiba.

    Kiba: Do you want me to walk you home?

    You looked from side to side and up and down.

    You: That'd be nice since I have no clue where to go.

    You walked in silence until someone called Kiba's name. You both turned to the voice.

    Kiba: Oh, hi Shino. What's up?

    Shino: Who's the girl?

    Kiba: Oh, this is Saya.

    You: Hello.

    Shino: Hn.

    Shino walked away as you and Kiba continued forward.

    You: He's not very talkative is he?

    Kiba: No, he's more of a mystery than anything else.

    You: I can see that. Oh, that's my apartment building

    Kiba: Well, see ya tomorrow then. Bye.

    You: Bye.

    You headed for your building.





    Okay, well there's part one.
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    Kiami
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    Re: I Once Had A Dream: Part 1; Welcome to the Leaf Village

    Post by Kiami on Fri Oct 26 2007, 15:07

    It was pretty good, but I could see you used some of the settings from Mizuko-kun's story..
    But I give it 7/10
    ^-^
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    rocknrolljunkie989
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    Re: I Once Had A Dream: Part 1; Welcome to the Leaf Village

    Post by rocknrolljunkie989 on Thu Nov 01 2007, 19:50

    I did? I do that sometimes.
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    neon kun
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    Re: I Once Had A Dream: Part 1; Welcome to the Leaf Village

    Post by neon kun on Thu Dec 13 2007, 07:17

    interesting format. never seen anyone used the second point of view.

    Btw, love your sig. Edward Cullen. wishing the fourth book is out.

    it's hard to keep up with such pov, though. but otherwise, it's all right. 6/10
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    rocknrolljunkie989
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    Re: I Once Had A Dream: Part 1; Welcome to the Leaf Village

    Post by rocknrolljunkie989 on Wed Dec 19 2007, 21:14

    Thanks. I'm working on first person point of view now.

    I can't wait until the fourth book is out either!
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    neon kun
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    Re: I Once Had A Dream: Part 1; Welcome to the Leaf Village

    Post by neon kun on Thu Dec 20 2007, 00:43

    are you following a formal layout for fanfiction? e.g., the supposed way people at ff.net should use. with all the proper grammar and stuff?

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