Cris lil scary story

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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:28

    Had to do it for school, just wanted to see what others thought.
    had to be 650 words.
    Fragment Of The Mind


    As the lights flickered on and off in the dimly lit room, Rina stumbled to the metal doors. “Get me out of here please!” “Anyone…!” screamed Rina. A large ominous figure came up behind and whipped his hand across her neck. As she fell to the floor she had a hazy memory of what had occurred earlier that day. A foggy and austere morning, Rina had been sweeping the leaves and trash that was scattered like a hurricane hit. Rina yelled across the courtyard “Hey, Zolek I have a chore for you!” Zolek heaved his dusty tools onto his muscular shoulders. Zolek walked briskly over to Rina, “yes?” replied Zolek. Keeping a modest expression upon her face she asked “Would you go down to the cellar to pick up some supplies and things for the office.” Just as Zolek was about to reply, a voice interrupted, in a deep sinister tone “Why haven’t you already gotten the supplies?” “You know how busy we will be, Mrs. Rina Niyami.”

    Dr. Shelley also known as “Crooked Tooth” gave a smile that could send shrills down your spine. “Y-yes sir, Dr. Shelley but I haven’t had the chance to get them yet,” Rina added with an uneasy tone. Dr. Shelley drifted his beady eyes to Zolek and said in a mocking way, “ Why do you need him, when you have me?” Rina looked uneasily at Zolek, “yeah, but Zolek knows his way around down there.” Dr. Shelley looked at Rina with his dark pools of eyes, “Go get the job done, Rina!” he said agitatedly. Dr. Shelley left them with their thoughts. Rina hurried to the gray cellar that was attached to the side of the dentist office. The wind began to pick up as Rina turned on the light in the cellar. She looked down the stairs eerily, gazing at the single light bulb hanging overhead. As Rina walked into the cellar the wind slammed the door shut violently.

    The door had startled Rina; and she quickly started gathering boxes. Then suddenly the overhead light bulb began to flicker on and off. As she worked hard to remember everything she needed. She made two trips up the stairs with the full boxes. As she was about to go down for the last box, the light flickered went out. The cellar was groaning and moaning from the wind. The darkness was like a black veil; completely engulfing Rina. Everything stopped as Rina into unconsciousness on the floor. Rina slowly regained consciousness a few hours later, with pain in her neck. Rina looked around with her worried ice blue eyes and realized she was at the bottom of the stairs. Her ankle was twisted and her wrist was sore from the fall. Rina’s vision was blurry, Rina cried out when she saw a shadow moving. In her mind she was sure it was Dr. Shelley coming to end her life.

    Suddenly a piercing light blinded Rina’s eyes. Rina staggered to her feet over to the metal doors. Fright began overwhelming her and instantly she was scared beyond reason. The door didn’t budge as if a barrier to her coffin of death had formed in front of her. Rina knew she was done for, until Zolek hollered down from above “ What are you doing Rina?” “What’s taking you so long?” Rina started shaking in fear and started crying, Zolek walked down the stairs and leaned over Rina. “Why are you so scared, it’s just a noisy cellar” he replied. He helped Rina up the stairs and shut the door, Rina looked back at the door still shaken up some. She saw Dr. Shelley walk out the cellar as Rina and Zolek walked into the courtyard. Dr. Shelley smirked his toothy grin at Rina that sent chills up her spine. With that Dr. Shelley was gone like the fog that arrived that early morning.
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by quater on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:29

    You should send it in for the Halloween story contest!
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:30

    its what we had to do for school. we also had to send it into the scary story contest.
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by GL on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:44

    woah! really good crisp! :O im impressed!
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by Kiami on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:48

    OMg, that sent
    chills up my spine.
    ^-^ Aweomse job Sensei.
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by PeinQAkatsuki on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:49

    Nice one! Awesome story!
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by quater on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:51

    I agree it was good. Rarely do scary stories find a way to capture my attention and yours did.
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:52

    wow i'm rly shocked.

    i rly think i did horrible at writing this. but i did get B+ on it.
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 14:58

    quater wrote:I agree it was good. Rarely do scary stories find a way to capture my attention and yours did.
    *falls out of chair*wow, thats rly suprising to me!!!
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by Kiami on Sun Oct 26 2008, 15:00

    quater wrote:I agree it was good. Rarely do scary stories find a way to capture my attention and yours did.

    I agree 100%.
    I dont really care much
    for scary stories.

    but hers...Wow.

    I love the detail. ^-^
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 15:16

    Kiami wrote:
    quater wrote:I agree it was good. Rarely do scary stories find a way to capture my attention and yours did.

    I agree 100%.
    I dont really care much
    for scary stories.

    but hers...Wow.

    I love the detail. ^-^

    thanks kia, my teacher said that i wrote rly detailed in the story too.
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by KarateKeyaQ on Sun Oct 26 2008, 15:45

    Told ya ^-^

    It was great!~
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by judai12 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 15:56

    wow! i love it its the best
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by Little_Shiro on Sun Oct 26 2008, 15:58

    yah it good :]
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by judai12 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 15:59

    no its the best
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 16:00

    omg...i'm rly shocked. Shocked
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by King_Of_Blades on Sun Oct 26 2008, 16:01

    hey sis u rate mine ill rate urs lol
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 16:07

    i did
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by judai12 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 16:21

    CrispinFreemanWatcher16 wrote:omg...i'm rly shocked. Shocked
    why?
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by Little_Shiro on Sun Oct 26 2008, 16:35

    hi
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by judai12 on Sun Oct 26 2008, 16:42

    hey
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Mon Oct 27 2008, 01:26

    no spamming plz
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by neon kun on Mon Oct 27 2008, 01:29

    it was really good, cris. ^^ good job.
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Mon Oct 27 2008, 01:36

    thanks everyone
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    Re: Cris lil scary story

    Post by Angelic Harmony on Mon Oct 27 2008, 07:42

    Holy shit Onee-chan...That was really good! I love it. ^_^

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