Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

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    Aichu
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    Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Fri Aug 08 2008, 23:00

    The following is a sneak peak of a novella (a
    short novel/long short story) that I am working on. The sneak peak
    isn't that great Hehehe...
    The actual story is much better written, but I will not post it until
    it's completely done or else it will give things away. I suspect it
    will be around 50 pages single-spaced typed when completed, so it will
    be around late august that I will probably finish.

    Summary:
    In
    the early nineties, a conservative town in the southern states is
    shocked when twelve-year old Mark Frasier is accused of raping a
    younger boy, his best friend Harley Longhurst. Ashes to Ashes explores
    the devestating and consuming effects of guilt on the human heart, and
    how it destroys the lives of two young boys and leaves their community
    with a rude awakening.

    Well, guess what? I'm behind. I'd planned on finishing this before august let out but now I see that it likely will be longer, as I've been adding more detail to the story that I'd intended. Double spaced, it's already pressing more than fifty pages and I'm not even halfway through yet. So you get another preview! Yay! What'll probably happen is I'll divide the story into two halves and post them as they're finished. The only problem with that is I feel it will cause the story to loose some of it's value. *sigh*

    Anyways, the original preview is here: http://wayoftheninja.org/jiraiya-s-fanfic-corner-f38/sneak-peak-ashes-to-ashes-a-novella-t3025.htm

    And now for the second preview!

    OH! And btw, this is in Harley's POV. Just to clear that up. Harley is a boy, in case you didn't read the summary.




    Ashes to Ashes


    I do not
    quite remember when exactly I first met Mark. He had always been a constant
    presence in my life. Even though he didn’t always have much to say, if he wanted
    to Mark could have written volume upon volume about the simplest things in life
    others like me took for granted. I’ve heard of studied men who spent their
    whole lives contemplating the language of love— Mark, I bet, could have spent
    two lifetimes describing the humble, iridescent language of a butterfly in
    motion. But he was too down-to-earth to ever be a poet, too modest to be an
    artist. He saved his words up, refining them in that wonderful mind of his, and
    when he spoke, his words were diamonds. Not the muddled words of a philosopher,
    but the clear, truthful message from that God-fearing boy’s heart. There wasn’t
    a single word Mark ever said that lacked potency. Casual banter was not part of
    his discourse— every dialogue had to have its proper purpose. Perhaps it was
    the result of living with a stiff-collar family like he did, but Mark probably
    thought deeper and harder than any kid I’ve ever known.


    For all his
    intelligence and clairvoyance, I would not wish Mark’s life upon even my enemy.
    His family’s lifestyle was foreign to me, a typical Baptist. Not to say I’ve
    never had the belt taken to my knuckles before, or my mouth washed out with
    soap— I went through the same hard-earned rites of passage that every other kid
    did when it came to discipline. On the other hand, Mark’s family, proud members
    of the Orthodox church, took to raising perfect Christian children. Even for a
    boy of his smarts and honesty, Mark failed to reach their standards all the
    time. His grandfather was a particularly hard man to please. More than once, when
    we would meet up at our secret spot down by the creek— Mark wasn’t supposed to
    be let out with us radicals— I’d find my best friend dribbling from his nose as
    he nursed the bruises on his body.


    When he
    spoke of his family, Mark spoke with passion and pain. He always felt like it
    was his fault that he never met their standards, and shared with me the
    hopelessness that wrung his breast. Never once, however, did I hear him convict
    any one of them, not even his grandfather. In fact, he wasn’t even angry. Just
    hurt. While he opened his heart up for me to see, I would feel just as
    powerless as he did. Unlike Mark, I was no wizard with words, and whatever
    comforting thoughts I could offer, few they were, would tangle into an
    incoherent murmur before they could even escape my mouth. I could only follow
    my instincts and do what my mother would have done for me— I’d hold Mark while
    salty tears flowed freely down his cheeks.


    The trouble
    began on Wednesday June 13th,
    1990. Our town was the epitome of the conservative south, where
    dusty pew bibles numbered more than grass-stained knee caps during the summer.
    It was fixed in a rural part of Maryland,
    where farming was still considered a legitimate occupation and not a hobby.
    School was out early that year and already the good folk were leaving church a
    bit sooner to catch the football action.


    Football was our town sport— even
    the peace-loving Mennonites had a team in the league. In those days, I still
    had quite a bit of room in my overalls. My tryouts for the church football team
    had become an annual ritual— I’d show up to practice, get knocked down by some
    bigger boy, and spend the next week as the patient to my mom’s fuss and care at
    home and Mark’s gentle healing through quiet companionship down by the creek. I
    never understood why Mark didn’t bother to try for the team. He was tall with
    hardened muscles that wrapped around his arms. His quads and calves were strong,
    and even in the airless summer heat he could run and run like he had the breath
    of God at his feet. We could never really hold a fair race with the two of us,
    not unless I got a long head start, and neither of us could define the
    sportsmanship in that. I was both envious of his physique and baffled that he
    wouldn’t use such a gift to his own advantage and try out for the football
    team. No matter how often I pushed him concerning the subject, however, his
    answer remained the same: He just didn’t like football. If those words had been
    uttered by any other boy, I’d have called him out for blasphemy, but somehow
    coming from Mark this disinterest seemed perfectly acceptable.


    On game day, there was not much
    to do unless you were on the team. I could only really enjoy football when I
    was on the field— watching it bored me. While half the town assembled around
    the high school field, Mark and I snuck off to our secret spot.


    We’d found our spot two years
    prior. There was a stretch of woods behind my house that didn’t belong to
    anyone in particular. A steep dell cut through the woods, buffing up against a
    slow, deep creek we called the ‘Inkpot’, because the water was so dark that if
    you went under you couldn’t see two fingers in front of you. It was tedious to
    get down to the creek to swim from my side of the woods without getting
    scrapped up. We were unexpectedly blessed one day when I lost my footing and
    fell in the creak. Mark had to come after me, because at the tender age of five
    I was inexperienced in the art of keeping my head above the water. We drifted
    downstream for awhile when we discovered a shallow inlet where the hillside
    wasn’t too steep. Here the dell sort of carved inwards, leaving a grassy beach
    where a stout but full weeping willow grew. During the summer, we could spend
    all day on that little inlet laying in the cool shade. Though we never really
    had anything to say to each other most days, one thing was clear— our place was
    sacred, and each moment had greater meaning than neither Mark nor I could
    devise.


    Wednesday June 13th, 1990 was one of those
    exceptional days when we had plenty to say.


    Mark was late joining me at our
    place that afternoon, so I sat near the edge of the water with my feet dangling
    in the creek. I was seven at the time, nearing eight. Eight, that unholy age
    when young boys’ heads run wild with curious thoughts. Eight, when soft ears
    hear their first dirty jokes and small mouths utter their first cusses. Naïve,
    prepubescent curiosity was probably one of the causes of the exploration we’d
    partake of later that day.


    When Mark arrived, he had dirty
    streaks running all down his cheeks. He sank down against the willow tree. When
    I went to join him, he hung his head and a shock of dark, wavy hair fell over
    his eyes.


    “Grandpa asked me to say grace at
    the table,” said Mark when he was well and ready to talk. “I said no. Bruised
    me on the chest, it’s pretty bad.”


    “Why didn’t you just say grace,
    stupid?” I asked. I rested my cheek against Mark’s shoulder. It was strange
    that I was the one who always ended up comforting Mark. At eleven, he was near
    twice the size of me, and his brain might as well have been two to my one. As
    long as it didn’t bother either of us, though, I was gladly imputed as the
    giver of solace.


    I pulled my feet from the river.
    They were pale and shriveled like prunes. “’Creek’s still cold yet.”


    Mark pushed
    a handful of hair out of his face to study the bubbling, stirring creek, saying
    nothing.




    Wednesday, June 13th, 1990, was the beginning
    of the end. If I’d known about the hatred, fear, shame, and guilt that would
    follow after me, if I’d know about the rape, the trial, the violence, the
    isolation, and the death that would become part of my life, I can guarantee you
    that I would have run away from our creek as fast as I could and never looked
    back on that day. Then again, how could anyone have guessed that my child’s
    curiosity, so mischievous and so innocent, would ignite the tinder of a town
    burning in hate and hypocrisy?





    So, what do you think? Oh, and if you see any grammer or spelling mistakes, please point them out ^_^ thanks.


    Last edited by Aichu on Mon Aug 11 2008, 21:36; edited 1 time in total
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    judai12
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by judai12 on Sat Aug 09 2008, 12:46

    its good
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    Aichu
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Sat Aug 09 2008, 13:02

    judai12 wrote:its good

    Thanks Happy
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    sabaku no ketsueki
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Mon Aug 11 2008, 14:55

    HOLY
    SNAPPLES
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    damn it, aichu! Just when I think I've got your writing genius all figured out, you turn around and spit out this masterpiece!

    that was great, though. write more, you!
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Mon Aug 11 2008, 15:10

    sabaku no ketsueki wrote:HOLY
    SNAPPLES
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    damn it, aichu! Just when I think I've got your writing genius all figured out, you turn around and spit out this masterpiece!

    that was great, though. write more, you!

    Yes master! Sorry
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Mon Aug 11 2008, 20:44

    that's right!!!
    but seriously, awesome
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    Aichu
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Mon Aug 11 2008, 20:54

    sabaku no ketsueki wrote:that's right!!!
    but seriously, awesome

    Thank you! :D *happy bar raises*
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Angelic Harmony on Mon Aug 11 2008, 20:55

    OMG!!! That is AWSOME!!!!!

    I LOVE this writing!!! Your fantastic!!
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Mon Aug 11 2008, 20:59

    Angelic Harmony wrote:OMG!!! That is AWSOME!!!!!

    I LOVE this writing!!! Your fantastic!!

    Thank u charmy <3
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Angelic Harmony on Mon Aug 11 2008, 21:04

    Aichu wrote:
    Angelic Harmony wrote:OMG!!! That is AWSOME!!!!!

    I LOVE this writing!!! Your fantastic!!

    Thank u charmy <3

    NOO! Thank you!!! Puppy Dog Eyes Love
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Mon Aug 11 2008, 21:10

    Angelic Harmony wrote:
    Aichu wrote:
    Angelic Harmony wrote:OMG!!! That is AWSOME!!!!!

    I LOVE this writing!!! Your fantastic!!

    Thank u charmy <3

    NOO! Thank you!!! Puppy Dog Eyes Love

    B-but I didn't do anything! Shocked
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Kagamiko on Sun Sep 07 2008, 11:19

    Ahem, attention please!

    *bows down* IamsosorryIhaven'tcheckedthisthreadearlier,pleaseforgiveme! *glomp*

    Honestly, when you give sneak peaks like this you have to make them longer. Around 50 pages longer. That would be awesome, thank you very much!

    You have a wonderful way with words, I could almost feel the water run past my feet. So much almost I'd draw some crappy fanart if I had a pen around :D
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Sun Sep 07 2008, 12:22

    Kagamiko wrote:Ahem, attention please!

    *bows down* IamsosorryIhaven'tcheckedthisthreadearlier,pleaseforgiveme! *glomp*

    Honestly, when you give sneak peaks like this you have to make them longer. Around 50 pages longer. That would be awesome, thank you very much!

    You have a wonderful way with words, I could almost feel the water run past my feet. So much almost I'd draw some crappy fanart if I had a pen around :D

    *glompage* Thank you sooo very much your comment made my day <3

    I've got 31 pages written and I'm nearly halfway done ^^ I'll try to write faster!

    If you drew fanart, even if it was like a stick person I'd be extremely happy :D
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Kagamiko on Sun Sep 07 2008, 12:55

    Aichu wrote:
    Kagamiko wrote:Ahem, attention please!

    *bows down* IamsosorryIhaven'tcheckedthisthreadearlier,pleaseforgiveme! *glomp*

    Honestly, when you give sneak peaks like this you have to make them longer. Around 50 pages longer. That would be awesome, thank you very much!

    You have a wonderful way with words, I could almost feel the water run past my feet. So much almost I'd draw some crappy fanart if I had a pen around :D

    *glompage* Thank you sooo very much your comment made my day <3

    I've got 31 pages written and I'm nearly halfway done ^^ I'll try to write faster!

    If you drew fanart, even if it was like a stick person I'd be extremely happy :D

    You're welcome :3

    I want that pen on fire, you hear me?!

    ... don't put silly ideas in my head, especially not so close to your birthday -_-;; I fail at stick persons you see xD
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by KarateKeyaQ on Sun Sep 07 2008, 13:47

    Oki, I read the prevew, ^_^ And it made me want to read more xD

    So I read this too and I've gotta say it.
    T_T I hate you and yer writing skills.

    xDD It was great!! I especially liked the description, Uh You've gotta teach me how to write better, I need help, haha. AND no spelling mistakes where I saw?! Man...

    Anyway, wrte more !~ :D
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by Aichu on Mon Sep 08 2008, 17:54

    Kagamiko wrote:
    Aichu wrote:
    Kagamiko wrote:Ahem, attention please!

    *bows down* IamsosorryIhaven'tcheckedthisthreadearlier,pleaseforgiveme! *glomp*

    Honestly, when you give sneak peaks like this you have to make them longer. Around 50 pages longer. That would be awesome, thank you very much!

    You have a wonderful way with words, I could almost feel the water run past my feet. So much almost I'd draw some crappy fanart if I had a pen around :D

    *glompage* Thank you sooo very much your comment made my day <3

    I've got 31 pages written and I'm nearly halfway done ^^ I'll try to write faster!

    If you drew fanart, even if it was like a stick person I'd be extremely happy :D

    You're welcome :3


    I want that pen on fire, you hear me?!

    ... don't put silly ideas in my head, especially not so close to your birthday -_-;; I fail at stick persons you see xD

    Putting ideas into your head? Why, I have no idea what you're talking about >_>

    KarateKeyaQ wrote:
    Oki, I read the prevew, ^_^ And it made me want to read more xD

    So I read this too and I've gotta say it.
    T_T I hate you and yer writing skills.

    xDD It was great!! I especially liked the description, Uh You've gotta teach me how to write better, I need help, haha. AND no spelling mistakes where I saw?! Man...

    Anyway, wrte more !~ :D

    Thank you ^_______^

    Lots of practice is key to good writing! I've been writing for forever now ^^; And paying attention in english also is helpful.


    Last edited by Aichu on Mon Sep 08 2008, 20:25; edited 2 times in total
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    Re: Ashes to Ashes: Another Sneak Peak

    Post by KarateKeyaQ on Mon Sep 08 2008, 20:20

    I use to write often but...T__T I get sidetracked alot.

    My English class is too far behind xDD

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