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    judai12
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    poems

    Post by judai12 on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:32

    Depressed is midnight black
    It sounds like breaking glass
    It tastes like an over-ripe apple
    It smells like a rotting cherry tree
    Depressed feels like blood runnig down
    mine hand.

    like it?^^
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: poems

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:42

    its good^_^ a interesting dark poem.
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    KarateKeyaQ
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    Re: poems

    Post by KarateKeyaQ on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:44

    :O Dark. I like dark poems ^_^ Nice.
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:46

    thank u.
    i have more if u want to hear more
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    KarateKeyaQ
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    Re: poems

    Post by KarateKeyaQ on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:49

    Sure, lemme see 'em.
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: poems

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:49

    yeah^_^
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:57

    ok

    darkness

    i see a dark sky
    its calling to me
    run away run away
    find a new home
    run to a yellow sky
    i see a red sky
    all i hear
    is the crying of others
    the crys r killing me
    i want to run some were
    some were i will not
    hear the dark crys
    dark crys of death
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: poems

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Wed Jul 02 2008, 23:59

    oooooh i like it..its deep too^_^ trying to run away frm all the pain and bloodshed.
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    KarateKeyaQ
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    Re: poems

    Post by KarateKeyaQ on Thu Jul 03 2008, 00:01

    judai12 wrote:ok

    darkness

    i see a dark sky
    its calling to me
    run away run away
    find a new home
    run to a yellow sky
    i see a red sky
    all i hear
    is the crying of others
    the crys r killing me
    i want to run some were
    some were i will not
    hear the dark crys
    dark crys of death
    Niceeeeee. Blood! :D
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Thu Jul 03 2008, 00:02

    thank u*happy inside*
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Thu Jul 03 2008, 00:05

    want to hear another?
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: poems

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Thu Jul 03 2008, 00:15

    sure!
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Thu Jul 03 2008, 00:21

    ok

    dark heart dark soul
    darkness in me
    the darkenss won't go away
    its killing me
    makeing me cry
    the darkenss in me
    makeing me run
    darkness in my heart
    no one can make it go away
    my dark heart and soul
    makeing me bleed
    crying in the dark
    crying alone
    darkness
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    CrispinFreemanWatcher16
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    Re: poems

    Post by CrispinFreemanWatcher16 on Thu Jul 03 2008, 00:31

    oooh even better^_^ i like it.
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    Sado
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    Re: poems

    Post by Sado on Thu Jul 03 2008, 01:22

    TOO MUCH ANGST!

    I was not fond of them... They came across as the overly cliched with poor meter. But that's just me, apparently theres a market for such things...
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Thu Jul 03 2008, 14:25

    you are very mean Damn It!
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    Sado
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    Re: poems

    Post by Sado on Thu Jul 03 2008, 14:39

    I'm just being honest, if you put any creative work into a public forum you have to expect that somebody won't like what you've produced.

    I'm not gonna just sit here and call the things you've written deep and amazing just so you'll feel good. Lying would only hurt you as a writer by making you become complacent with your quality of writing, and hurt my integrity.
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Fri Jul 04 2008, 14:28

    no sado you r very mean. u have to stop NOW!!!!!!!!
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    Re: poems

    Post by Aichu on Fri Jul 04 2008, 14:58

    judai12 wrote:no sado you r very mean. u have to stop NOW!!!!!!!!

    When you post something online, you should always expect a little critique. If you're open to other peoples suggestions, it will help you grow. Sado is simply pointing out that you need to work on your meter and develop original concepts. He's not doing it because he's mean Happy
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    Sado
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    Re: poems

    Post by Sado on Fri Jul 04 2008, 16:19

    Thanks for the support Aichu. Oh Yeah!
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Sat Jul 05 2008, 11:21

    fine what ever. but still try to be alittle nicer ok^^
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    Temari
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    Re: poems

    Post by Temari on Sat Jul 05 2008, 11:35

    judai12 wrote:Depressed is midnight black
    It sounds like breaking glass
    It tastes like an over-ripe apple
    It smells like a rotting cherry tree
    Depressed feels like blood runnig down
    mine hand.

    like it?^^
    no.jk. its just like mine. :P
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Sat Jul 05 2008, 21:58

    alittle.love the ava
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    judai12
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    Re: poems

    Post by judai12 on Mon Jul 07 2008, 14:04

    Hearts
    light,dark,shadow
    all the kinds of hearts
    light showing everyone
    is kind,good,loveing the world
    shadow showing the fear of everything
    the world,people,and them self
    dark showing darkness in everything
    the world,people,friends
    hearts




    ok this is not my best poem.but it is ok i gusse
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    Temari
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    Re: poems

    Post by Temari on Mon Jul 07 2008, 22:20

    judai12 wrote:alittle.love the ava
    shut up!! jk. I'm hyper.

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