A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

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    How are you liking "A New Beginning"? 1 -bad 10 - really good and interesting

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    Total Votes: 5
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    Darkflame
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    A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Tue Mar 11 2008, 15:44

    Chaper 1 - 5 years later
    -----------------

    The war has begun and there were many battles but this one i enjoyed

    As Gust was sprinting around the village a vocie from behind her began to call out 2 her

    "hey bitch stop and fight me"

    "sorry what?" Gust said with a angry look on her face

    "good your mad maybe you will be more of a compaticion now"

    "well don't hurt me ok?"

    "ok i'll go easy"

    " 'Falling Ice Jutsu' "

    Ice began to fall from the sky at Gust she dodged all of them without trying and sent most back at the Ice - nin

    "Bitch how did you do that? you don't look as good as you seem 2 be"

    "Hi nice to meet you i'm Gust Turch the head of the anbus and wife of the Kage Tundra"

    "OH SHIT"

    "Yah well your boring me 'Wind Goddess Wind'" and she sent him flying with just a snap of her fingers

    When the battle ended there was a bang from the northern side of the village and Gust having just finshed the fight ran to where the sound was.

    But what we didn't know is that by steeling the treasure we were the ones that caused the end...

    -------------------
    next chaper:

    The End?
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    sabaku no ketsueki
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Tue Mar 11 2008, 20:07

    wow that was.....short

    uh, some suggestions, I guess: COMMAS!!!!!!
    I, uh, didn't really understand what happened.....so who was the ninja fighting Gust? and why was it 1st person?

    but I really like the last sentence! =D
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Tue Mar 11 2008, 20:17

    lol and to find out why it was in 1st person read to find out
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Sat Mar 15 2008, 19:57

    ...yeah I still don't really get it
    but i can't understand if you don't post more, eh?
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Sat Mar 15 2008, 20:23

    i'm thinking of not wasting my time and posting if you are the only one gona read
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Sat Mar 15 2008, 20:40

    Emo Corner oh, ouch
    ah well...it's up to you
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Sat Mar 15 2008, 20:49

    i may just give u the roughs at school and let u read'em there
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Sat Mar 15 2008, 20:55

    yay!
    that's good =D
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Sat Mar 15 2008, 20:58

    that will save me time of posting them (anyway i have nothing 2 do art so)
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Sat Mar 15 2008, 21:00

    XD lmao
    nice
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Sat Mar 15 2008, 21:01

    yah lol ^__^ oh and i placed 3rd in a tornament 2day, Cris (my cuz's friend) places 2nd and i got $25 gift certificte for the mall
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Sat Mar 15 2008, 21:04

    .........ok then
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Sat Mar 15 2008, 21:05

    ^___^ sry i didn't wana w8 till munday to tell someone in the group
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Sun Mar 16 2008, 19:12

    ok then
    wow, we made a spam thread outside of the village. go us!
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Sun Mar 16 2008, 21:03

    XD Cowboy
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Sado on Sun Mar 16 2008, 21:07

    I gotta say. . . I did not enjoy it. In the least. It was reminiscent of Peter Chimaera's fanfictions.

    Dare to compare.
    http://digimon2.ytmnd.com/


    Last edited by Sado on Sun Mar 16 2008, 21:09; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Lil Kit Kat on Sun Mar 16 2008, 21:08

    Lol,
    THat was good Flame.
    A little short though.
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Darkflame on Mon Mar 17 2008, 15:16

    i may post my other chapters but 3 ppl isnt enough
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Sado on Mon Mar 17 2008, 16:43

    Of course 3 people is enough, two of them might enjoy it and one at least is more than willing to help through criticism.
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Tue Mar 18 2008, 16:49

    you taking about me, sado? XD
    ah, well, I've read his other chapters, I'm trying to convince him to put them up, and I'm helping with the grammar things =D

    so I'm editing it, I guess
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by Sado on Tue Mar 18 2008, 17:04

    I was classifying you in the people who might enjoy it, along with Kitty. I myself was not fond of it, as you may have guessed if you went to the link I compared it to.

    Though I didn't know you were editing it Saba so I guess two people will give him the criticism he needs.

    Now post it and quit being a coward DF.
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    Re: A New Beginning (Chapter 2 - The Battle)

    Post by sabaku no ketsueki on Tue Mar 18 2008, 18:22

    oh, I see
    yeah, I liked the plot, but didn't like the way it was written, so I'm fixing some stuff =D

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